Bye Bye 2009!!!

Whew!! 1 more day before I bade farewell to a year filled to the brim with lots of ups & downs, loss & gains, tears & laughter’s… *Deep breath*…here goes, some of the events during my boring life in 2009…

Rice Bowl
• Nearly resigned, Yea..you read me right..never ever felt so useless and incompetent before in my entire working life, no thanks to the hurting remarks that was hurled towards me in bucket loads, but thanks to GOD’s strength, the worst is over.
• Achieved my 2009 Key Account target!! Yipeee!!!

Family
• Slightly closer to my sister/family now, after the loss of my brother. I am proud to say that I am no longer the missing one in family gatherings or dinners, but still labeled as the busiest one in the Wong’s clan, and trust me, I am not acting busy, I am really busy. You all used to say and complain that I am never serious in my working life, so here I am, heeding all your advice.

Love
• My love line is as flat as the life line of 3,000 years old mummy..

Personal
• Pandai pandai follow people main detox.. while in the process of doing it, I swear to GOD that chickens CAN actually FLY as I saw them flying in front of me in the form of plates of chicken rice!!!
• Tried to go on diet – failed really miserably. Darn those chicken rice, they seem like pleading & begging you to eat them.
• Went on vegetarian for 49 days – funny thing is when you do it out of respect, you can actually psyched yourself in persevering, to the extent that I am unfazed while seeing people eating chicken rice in front of me…A slight change appetite now, as I do not eat meat as much as I used to do and started to eat more leafy vegetables.
• Fell in love with photography, non stop harassing friends around me with my cheapo camera, trying to snap so-called artistic photos, which 99% ended up with half face or no head. Sigh…
• Celebrated my birthday in style!!! 4 cakes at 4 different locations!! Fuyoh lei???
• Met up and friend friend again with my 2nd ex, comfortable feeling.
• Rewarded myself with a very very expensive gift

Summary for 2009??

Despite it whizzed past me, it was a challenging but fruitful year. Felt that I kinda matured a little bit, but not enough for someone my age… hmm...a good point to ponder over the weekend...When will I grow up & act my age??

SAYONARA 2009!!!!

On cloud nine!!!

Believe it or not, I'm walking on air!!!

Enough said....

My 2009 New Year Resolutions Report Card

See all my toes without sucking in my tummy

Feb 09- #8@!!!! Damn those yummy un-stoppable 'mat foong tau'
Dec 09 - 5 more days to go and no toes in sight!!!!
Resolution No.1 FAILED miserably….

Learn something new - swimming

Feb 09 - Once I can brave myself to step out in my swimsuit!!
Dec 09 - I did step out many times in my swimsuit..bravely somemore la….well, if you rate how well can you swim from 1 to 10…hmmm I would say that I am now at level 3…which means that I will survive for a mere 3 seconds before going all the way down with my damn mouth wide open!!!
Resolution No. 2 – FAILED quite miserably…

Tidy room with space to walk

Feb 09 - so far, so good..hehehe
Dec 09- Ta Da!!! Surprise lei!!! Everything very neat & tidy…..why??? cos I have just moved from a house to a room and with fierce ‘pau jou por’..Enough said….
Resolution No. 3 – SUCCESSFUL under force….

Update my work & laptop filling

Feb 09- Struggling, but hey at least I’m trying
Dec 09- Another Ta Da!!! All one have to do is create a folder, name it 2009 files and chuck all the files in there.
Resolution No. 4 – SUCCESSFUL in a way…..

Forgive & Forget
Dec 09 - Finally I did achieve the revered forgive & forget status, after what I have lost, I have learnt that life is just too short to live in pain & regret…
Resolution No. 5 – SUCCESSFUL

My Piece Of Advice To You - 2

If you think I have wronged you, go ahead....

If you think I am bias & prejudiced, be my guest...

If you think it will be very much better elsewhere, by all means....

Since you you think it's a much better world out there, stick to your decision and stop doing that dance of yours...

If you think I do not respect you, ask yourself, do you respect yourself in the first place?

So, for the sake of our Mother Earth and its inhabitants, GROW UP and stop acting like a freaking spoilt bitch!!!!!

Editor's note: I think that you can think, that's why I wrote "if you think"..er..not too much to hope that Jellyfish like you can actually think huh??

P/S: I sincerely hope & pray that you will get a brain for X'Mas and if you do, I promise I'll stop calling you Jellyfish...

I am finally attached!!! Oh yea baby...

As at this morning, 9.54am, 14th Dec 2009, Yes!!!! Mark this day as me, Kayc Wong is ...ta..da....officially attached!!!!!

You are the one that I dream of, day & night…still remember how often I curi curi to look at your photos while at work, fantasizing and day dreaming of our days together…bosses don’t read blog, rite??

I also lost count of the times that I turned green with such envy whenever I saw you passed by with someone else instead of me, wishing & praying so hard that one day we will be together…

To my friends, please understand why I no longer have time with you all as I will be dedicating all my time to the new love of my life..

To my work, I also apologize as I will be relegating you to be the second priority in my life….

To the new love of my life, I look forward embarking on a new life together…

Am I so…..in love with you?

HECK NO!!!! I AM OBSESSED WITH YOU!!!!!!!

P/S: Can't wait to see you next Thursday....YIPEE!!!!!

To One Special Woman - Happy Birthday

I knew a woman who knows me better than myself…

I knew a woman who has such an infectious laugh that a pack of hyenas will lose out to her…

I knew a woman who has the most LCLY look that GOD can allow and yet I am that lucky to know her as a person..

I knew a woman who can motivate me better than anything in this world…

I knew a woman who needs to be beg to receive any gift…

I knew a woman who shares so many private jokes between us that outsider’s think that we are speaking alien languages…

I knew a woman who does not hesitate to rub salts into my wound that effectively, without any fear of backlash…

I knew a woman who will not hesitate to be by my side whenever I need anyone, even though at times I am too egoistic to allow that…

I knew a woman who shares my same sentiments on chocolate & moon…

I knew a woman who can sing hockien song and yet do not look like Ah Lian…

Who is that woman??

She’s GOD-Sent Angel to my life, who I truly cherish and appreciate, and I thank GOD for your presence in my life…

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!

When shit happens....

What goes round, comes round, and the world is much smaller than you thought...

You think you are on the higher ground now, but look closely, you are only tip toe-ing...

You think you have all to take you further, but think closely, oops..forgot..you can't think!!!

My sincere thanks, you have just made me a much stronger person!!!

My Piece Of Advice To You

Ring Ring....

My phone rang and my spirits soared....

And somehow I knew, I am .....

Still sad...

Sniff sniff...have yet to recover from the devastating D-Day results...and coupled with the high fever & body ache since Fri evening till Sun morning only makes things worse...been seriously sleeping to recover till a point whereby my house mate's hubby asked whether I'm hibernating!!!!

How long will my heart be un-crushed?? Sigh..I do not know....I hate this feeling....

Can some-one or something un-crushed my heart??

D-Day results

D-Day came earlier than expected...And, I am totally crushed….

Enough said…

Waiting....

2 more days for my D-day...urghhh..hate that waiting feeling...Deep-deep down my little heart, I really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really REALLY wants it to happen & materialised...

I know, I will be totally crushed if the the D-day results is not what I hoped & dreamed for, as my hopes has soared sky high.....

Gotta sign off now, as I need to prepare for my painful fall....ouch.....

I'm in love..ooh....

The effects you have on me.....

Heart beats so fast, that it feels like popping out, every moment I see you passes me by,

Breaks into cold sweat & trembles as I run my hands along your curves,

Couldn't take my eyes of you as I gaze at you lovingly and lustfully,

Couldn't find a space in my mind, as you fully occupies my every waking moment,

Pray & pray to GOD that one day you will be mine to cherish,

Wanna scream & tell the whole world about you and how much I love you,

Never, ever felt the desire of wanting so much in my life.......

YOU & ONLY YOU, is all I want now.....and I am counting the moments when we can be one,

Only time will tell.....

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I am so crazily, helplessly in love with you.......
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My one & only Nissan Sylphy...

P/S: do you know that you are so hot & sexy in black??? And so mysterious if all your windows are tinted in grayish black tone??? Ohhh...lala baby...

For you KOPEK!!!!

Happy Birthday to my dearest sis, Kopek

I wish & hope that you will be...

More adventurous~~There's a whole world out there apart from shopping mall

Less grumpy~~We burn more calories when we smile.

More sporting~~I was trying to find a photo of you to post, but dare not wor...You remember how you screamed at me in Facebook?? LOL....

Stay healthy~~yea...you need to be in tip-top shape as I am counting on you to change my diapers when I'm old & bedridden...

Last but not least~~abundance of all good things for you in many years ahead...no need to wish for a better sis, as you are lucky enough to have me as yours!!!!

With Lots of Love & Warm Thoughts,

(well, unless you really decided never to change my diapers)

Your Super Adventurous, Sporting & Non Grumpy (except in the morning)Sis..

The big 'E'

Egoistic, that's how someone has defined me. To say that she do not know me at all, may not be entirely true, well, could it be she is choosing to know me in a way that she felt comfortable with?

Well, if you are reading this, am I right then?

Or will you answer me " It's for me to know & for you to find out", the way you always do when you want to avoid answering me?

Blood Is Thicker Than Water

I still can vividly remember how we used to discuss & decide which family self portrait photo frame (for those who have never been to my Ipoh house, our living room is full of rows & rows of ancestors & Gong-Gong & Por-Por self portrait photos) we should hide the dreaded rotan, and every year during annual house painting we will get a good lashing when our parents found out all the rotans that went mysteriously missing, barely a few days after being bought from market!! As time goes by, our parents has wised up and cautioned us that any missing rotans that mysteriously appeared (Yea..That’s our lame excuses) behind the photo frames is equivalent to 5 lashings each and that ends our “hide the rotan mission” quite abruptly.

Shuttlecock and badminton rackets evokes some of the most mischievous stuffs memories that we did together. It seems like yesterday when we used to incorporate the word BAD-MINT-ON into our conversations to avoid mum banning our evening Thomas Cup session, blocking up the alley with our badminton net that we scavenged from the rubbish dump and the plastic containers that our parents used for chicken rice. Also there were times, where we used to “steal’ the ladder to retrieve the shuttlecocks that went flying up to the roof and while we were up there, we pretended to be super heroes, with towels draped over our shoulders. Well, a moment "being a super hero” was always worth the rotan lashings that we get after each of our super hero escapades.

We both have the blessings & privileges of having loving aunts in London, which showers us with the most state of art toys during our era, i.e. the full set of Lego’s, Subbeteo, table football set & tons of Kalkitos ( bet most of you have not heard of this at all, rite??) All these lovely toys added fun & joys and coupled with our make pretend, we had a terrific time. Sadly, as we grew up into teenagers, we grew apart due to changing hormones, different view & perceptions in life. That’s when the arguments, quarrels, name calling started between us, and we even reached the stage of non speaking terms for years. The arrival of your 2 great kids, Alex & Nicole closed the gap slightly but sadly, I think the gap was too wide to be narrowed in a short time. I do not remember when was the last time we celebrated Chinese New Year as a family, as I, myself did not went back home for festivities.

Looking at Alex now, he reminds me so much of you, in terms of looks and some of his characters. He even inherited some of your “sin kar” character, guess it’s like father like son. Looking at him now reminds me of the times that we had together, the fun that we had, and the time lost due to both of our stubbornness and unwillingness to talk. I promise that I will try to be the best role model for both Alex & Nicole, and will fiercely instill the importance of siblings love between them. Seeing Alex & Nicole now, is like stepping into a time machine, looking at the time when both of us at that age, and I do not want history to repeats itself.

One close friend of mine once told me that you will never forget what happens the day you receive news of passing of a family member, and it’s true. I remember picking up the call in office from Kuen and in between sobs, she told me that “Kor-Kor is gone”. Hearing this, my whole body went limp instantly and I could not control my tears and the pain I felt was indescribable. Do you know that the hardest thing that I have ever done in my life was to drive home to Ipoh to break down the news of your sudden passing to our parents in the middle of the night? I wish & pray that I will never have to do this again, as I was on the verge of breaking down & apart but yet, at the same time, I have to put up a very strong front, as I am now the eldest in the family? Our loving aunts & uncles provided the much needed emotional support during this difficult time and I am eternally grateful & thankful for them. I was never proud to say that I am not close to family, in fact I am always the ‘missing one’ during family get-together & festivities, but now I have made a mental note to myself to show up during family gatherings and re-arrange my life’s priorities.

While waiting for you to be repatriated back, both of our parents refused to believe that you are gone, and it breaks my heart to see them this way and at the same time felt so helpless for not being able to do anything. When you were finally home, do you know that it took all my body strength to walk towards you, it hurts so much, to accept & face the hasrh reality that you are forever gone and I will never ever have the chance to make peace with you for all the grudges, quarrels & misunderstandings that we both had? As I am writing this, I missed having a brother and it hurts a lot to know that I will never be able to have the opportunity to get to know you again as a brother & a friend again in my life. I never took the initiatives to take the first step forward to mend the broken relationship between us, as I always take for granted that time will always be on my side. This will be one of the regrets that will haunt me for the rest of my life.

Your sudden passing on the 5th August 2009, is the day, I finally & fully comprehend the real meaning of “Blood Is Thicker Than Water”, just way too late….

Rest in Peace, Kee Foong

Categories

Ever wondered if one were to categorize each life 's event, be it small & insignificant or major & life changing, how many we will have?

I do not know how many I now have or going to have, in fact I have not really counted, but for sure there is one that I wish to have no entries is my "What If" category...

Life is just too damn short to live in past & regret..

Updates...

Haven't been updating my blogs lately...

Too much has happened over the last 2 months, which in a way changed my life's perspective and priorities....

明天会是更好的，美好人生在此刻開始

明天会是更好的，美好人生在此刻開始....this is the motivational phrase I have wrote..(ok,ok, I copied, but at least I am the one who kau tim the translation from English before copying)..on my Facebook profile this morning, 5 minutes after I woke up from a long, deep, uninterrupted sleep.

Last evening, I sat down and asked myself what I wanted in my life, what directions I am heading towards? Is the road ahead clear with directions? Is the path filled with wild roses on both sides or is it going to be a wild barren landscape with no ending, with constant sandstorms blurring my vision?

When I list it down, only I realised how pampered and soft I have became...in fact I have turned into someone who dare not venture into the unknown and too complacent & so damn used to my comfort zone. I start asking myself, "Where the hell, is the fearless, do first, answer later Kayc?"

Before I managed to get an answer.....

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I dozed off....now while blogging bout' this, I knew the answer.........

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I'm getting old....the older we get, the less adventurous & less fearless we became....and more one can easily dozed off...

I must start LIVING AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!


P/S: Now I know why those Ah Pek can just doze off like that in coffee shop, kaki lima, shopping mall benches...sigh....

I'm giving up.........

I never doubted my capabilities till today, never felt second best, never thought there are any work related problems that I do not have the solutions to..but why am I feeling so helpless now?

Why am I shedding tears of frustrations? Why my heart hurts so much? Why after all my efforts I still have to deal with all those comments? Is it just because I do not have academic qualifications, that I am not supposed to be where I am now? Or is it me who have been all this while, so fuckingly naive & innocent to believe that "When there's a will there's way?"

Why is my best is never good enough for anyone?

A simple prayer..

GOD, please hold my hand and guide me , please grant me strength to carry on, please share your wisdom & patience for me to see clearer pictures..

Evoking Memories

Humans are blessed with 5 sensory organs - sight, sound, feel, taste and scent. Each one of them is unique should we were denied any one of them, our lives will be so different..

Some of us depends on our memories to propel us forward, some would choose to stay in our memories for the sake of reliving bygone glorious, happy days, while some would choose to forget..We can deny as much as we want but once our sensory organs detects certain stuffs, our memories will automatically be re-ignited.....

The sight of a family having meal, laughing, sharing together evokes past images of our own...or what we longed for..

The sound of the song that was played as you passed by the music stores reminds us on that particular period of time or person..

The feel of a blanket as your were shopping reminds you of the warmth of your grandmother's hand sewn quilt that kept you warm and at home during your time away from home....

The taste of your childhood candies or drinks brings back the kids out in you again, wishing that those days were not that far away....

That particular perfume scent brings in mind the one you love and lost and re-opens the wound that you thought have long healed...

Fun & Sun

Excited...excited, very excited....booking my fun & sun in Krabi this Sept...

This means for 4 whole days, I can....

1. Chuck away my non stop ringing mobile phone

2. Ignore all my new e mails alert

3. Stay awake the whole night, doing nothing...kinda miss this feeling...

4. Afternoon nap under the swaying coconuts trees listening to sounds of waves

5. Do whatever I want and not to worry about people recognising me

6. Be totally wasted on the beach with a good book, unlimited Dahfa and ice cold coke

7. Get myself "fried" under the sun... can't use the word "tanned" cos I always over-"fried" myself...

8. Wear my newly bought pink polka dot bikini...OK OK..this is supposed to be a joke, OK people???

All the above are more than sufficient for me to click the "submit payment" icon to finalize my Air Asia transaction...but one nagging problem, making me hesitating and really worried......

"Hmmm........... will there be any chicken rice in Krabi?? "

Worried...

It's my monthly S & M meeting today, and I'm very worried on my dept performance...sigh...it's been 3 straight months I'm not hitting my target...under tremendous pressure to deliver the numbers..

No more play play, gotta work extra hard & extra extra extra smart!!! Thank GOD my "When there's a will, there's a way" oomph is back...

Think Kayc, think.....YOU CAN DO IT!!!!

Restless...

Been having the same weird dream for 3 nights in a row..not a pleasant one

I hate it when it happens....though disturbed and restless, I knew GOD is by my side as I do have faith in HIM

Honesty The Best Policy???

Sometimes I do wonder, am I too vocal and honest on how I feel on certain issues? Without regards on how my opinions will affect people?

If you are reading this, I am sorry again (I know, I know, I've apologised, but this old one a bit long gas, ok???) I felt bad, really bad when I heard your sniffle..I pray that everything will goes well with you...Stay happy & take care ya young one!!!

P/S: Though I do not say it out often, I do miss you..glad we had that talk. (Blerks!!! - this Blerks is to counter your choksei that you are muttering now!!)

The RM 70 Bar of Soap...

Behold....the most expensive bar of soap I've ever paid in my entire life...The Eumora.......

It claims to

1. Brighten' up dull looking faces - hundreds is needed to have effect on me...I'm famous for "chor sei" look

2. Vanishing wrinkles - still no wrinkles in sight yet baby....Thank GOD..hehehehe

3. Reduce oily spots - you can fry an egg on my face under the hot sun

4. Eliminate eye bags - where do i store my coins then????

People around me knew that it'll be easier to kill me than for me to pay so much for a tiny weeny bit of beauty products...and yet till now, I have no idea why I bought it... Just imagine how many Dettol soap I can get with RM 70..all my entire life, my body soap doubled as my facial wash, sometimes as my shampoo..hehehehe

What have gone into me? Hmm...have I turned so vain or my work pressure (blame it on work pressure, when you don't want to admit that you are getting old..) is making me do things out of my norm??

Gotta sign off now...time for me to remove my RM 70 lather..

Blue is my new colour

Been feeling so blue frequently lately...

Thoughts of my mountain high overdue work makes it bad...

Thinking of you makes it even worse....

When will other colours appear back in my life???

Weekend with the kids..

Went for Monsters Vs Aliens today at Mid Valley...queue was damn long....whoever said economy is bad, should go Mid Valley on weekends..Went with Aileen, her 2 princess, Amber & Ashlee and Carol's daughter...and it really amazed me that these 3 kids, aged 7, 6 and 5 can actually sapu one large & one regular popcorn all by themselves...guess they enjoyed the popcorn more than the 3D experience itself!!!

This is the first movie length 3D I've ever been to and it was really fun to do so..the last time I remembered any 3D movies was Jaws, many many years ago, but I do not actually get to watch it, cos I flunked my exams (if I remember correctly...)The storyline was good & simple, but at some parts, too serious for young kids..A lot of fun & humour thrown in and my fave character is Bob...he's so adorable and he gets the best lines. Should see for yourself to know what am I talking bout...

Went for some doughnuts & drinks after the movie..I ordered a beef bolognese spaghetti for myself and end up sharing it with the kids...they are so "eat-able"..one doughnut each and they still want my spaghetti, but it does makes you happy & warm seeing them enjoying themselves..but once they start running round after meal is when you feel mentally drained...keeping an eye on them in a weekend crowd is more tiring than preparing for my year end Key Account plan & budget..hahahaha..
The 3 future leng lui - Summer, Amber & Ashlee

Spending time with the kids, though tiring & mentally drained, it does re-ignite the kid in us, well .......as for me, it re-affirms the kid in me....

I made the choice

I followed my heart.... and I ended up with two extremes emotions..

Sad, cos' it does not materialised, but it's kinda expected in a way..after all, not many will want to take the trouble & effort knowing the real me...

Happy, cos' I actually have the courage to fight for what I want and not having "What If's" plaguing my mind for the rest of my life...

And to you, JW, thank you for making me feeling alive once again, even for a brief moment.....You re-activated my radar.

Which to follow??

Part of me want to feel alive again, take chances and yet part of me is still scarred by the hurt & despair...

My head or my heart??

Letter for you

Dear Dear,

How I wish I can muster all my courage to call you to chat, laugh & share like what we initially used to do.. Times flew, it's been 21 months now.. How are you? I sincerely hope that you are happy and well. Hope & pray that all is smooth for you, be it work or personal. Just in case you are wondering, I am doing ok, though work have been extremely busy lately, coupled with tremendous pressure, it's been really tough times for me. I also do wonder whether do I still crosses your mind? Does the thoughts or random things about me send shivers down your spine or does it bring a smile to your lips? Or you have forgotten that I existed?

Do you still remember our "Mama Karipap" song-dance routine that never made us stop rolling with laughter? Or my "confessions" whenever you wakes me up? Friends around me have been telling me that 21 months is way too long to hold on to, but these are some our memories together that I fiercely holds closely to my heart, for these are what's left with me now. Whenever I reminisces, it brings both smile & tears to me. Though our moments together are short & brief, it is one of the happiest time in my life, Chinese people always quote 'Pat joi foo tin cheung tei kau, Jee joi foo chang king yung yau'. Does all good things are not meant to last in my life?

Remember this faces you insist of drawing on my hands?

There are countless times that I used to wander aimlessly on the streets, not knowing where to go or rather no one to go home to, and I will end up going back to the places where we used to go. Do not get me wrong, I am happy with my life now, I have a group of close friends that are the most fun people on earth to hang out with, work though tough, but it gives me the satisfaction, but deep down I felt void.There are also times when I desperately want you by my side to share my achievements & joy or to be hugged and reassured that everything will be ok when everything went spiralling down. I misses you Dear Dear.

Despite all the wounds, till now, my feelings for you still remains, do you know that? Somehow, without you by my side, I knew that I will not be able to smile as brightly or laugh as hard as I once did. You showed me, though briefly, what is to be loved...You taught me to anticipate and work on the future that I want, but guess, my best is never good enough for you to have me in your future..

It is not true that I did not move on, I did... just minus a part of me that died the day you left..

Missing you,
Kayc

Sigh...

Ever felt...

Suffocated by pressure??

Helpless with situtaions??

Frustrated by everything??

Hating oneself for being so wimpish??

Weekend without chicken rice...

Weekend came and go...and I managed to stay off chicken rice this whole weekend!! I had fruits only, yup..you read me right, me had fruits only (on my own wish)...for the whole Saturday, and 3/4 Sunday...half papaya, 2 pears, 1 apple & a quarter of watermelon...

Went swimming with my swimming sifu Aileen, improved tiny little bit on my "standing water" technique..well, at least I can "stand" for a few mere seconds before panicking and went all the way down under with my mouth wide open, splashing like a whale in distress!!! Shucks...must remember to close my damn mouth...Also improved on my breaststroke, now I can boast that I can actually swim to the middle of the pool before running out of breath...

For those who makes swimming looks so easy and relaxing should be punished as it is not as what it seems. I am now totally drained of energy..but nevertheless, it feels damn good...will do it 3 times a week...hopefully ya...

5 more days to go on my detox plan..still hanging on...Hmm..is it me going crazy as why there are so many chicken rice flying in front of me??

My first time...

12.34am, 9th May 2009.....

Mark this day as I have taken a bold step by doing it first time in my life, after months & months of procrastinating...yup, I have actually found the courage & determination to gulp down without hesitation 2 sachets of Juvanex 7 day program detox plan...Well, it does not taste as horrendous as I've expected it to be, it actually tasted good with the refreshing lemon flavour.

This means die die I have to go thru the first entire weekend in my life without chicken rice!! According to the booklet recommendations, I have to eat fruits only, yup..you heard me right, fruits only...sigh...suddenly my weekend seemed so long & dull. I will only be able to have some steamed vege on the 3rd & 4th day, and some fish & lean meat on the 5th day onwards. And not to mention drinking at least 8 glasses of water each day to ensure the dried shit that was stuck somewhere along my pipes will be loosen up and flushed out as damn bloody smelly shit with smell that can put an elephant to coma... Apart from no meat, I might have some nausea or horrible reactions i.e. getting cranky easily, a sign that my body is trying to get rid off all my dried shits...so people out there, it's not me that is cranky, my dried shits made me this way ok???

We, humans who never detoxed actually have 10-25 pounds of dried shit that lined up our intestine that we carry here & there...so I'm kinda glad to know that I am not that fat, I just have extra dried shit with me..hmm...now with this new knowledge, I can share with my buddies while eating Bak Kut Teh with added pork intestine....

A word of caution people..I get real cranky without meat as I have been a carnivore my whole life. No chicken rice = no friendly me!!! No coffee = even more unfriendly me...

Now will you excuse me, need to put on my mask as my dried shits are on the way out....

P/S: me 85kg now inclusive 9.1kg of dried shit...pray that I can persevere so I can tell you the how much shit floated to Indah Water...

What Matters To Me..

1. My Grandma
Memories of her is the most valuable thing to me, and if I ever to be granted a wish that will come true, I will wish for her to be still around me now. Por Por, no person can ever take the place that you holds in my heart. Por Por, I miss you...

2. My Friends
Bunch of bananas that have stayed with me thru thick & thin, who have seen the ugliest side of me, who held me up during the darkest time of my life and despite all my shortcomings, still sticking around me, sharing my life's joys & sorrows.

3. My Dreams
As Martin Luther King's said, "I Have A Dream", I, Kayc Wong, have countless dreams, too many to list it all down. Some will always remain as dreams, some became daydreams, some became bad dreams, while some, I am working my arse off to realise it. One of it is to be able to fulfill what I have listed in my bucket list, hopefully with someone special by my side.

4. My Life
Despite most of it is consists of hardships, challenges & tears, there are too countless moments of joys & laughters as well. I still believes that when my time comes, and as GOD promised, there will not be a single day overdue.

5. My Desires

Desires for everything!!! I believed that if one does not have desires, what is the purpose & beauty of living?

6. Love
Despite haven't fully recovered, I still believes that there is always 'that someone' for everyone. My radar might be off at this moment, but I know when I found that someone, it will re-activate itself!!

Missing you..

Back to the place where we once went holidaying...

Longing for the warmth of your hands while strolling into the sunset....

Remembering the feel of words you whispered to me...

Missing the laughter that we shared....

Memories of us together flashing in front of me, as i was alone tracing back the steps that we once took together, that i thought will last forever...

As the sun sets, so does my heart...

Need Vs Desire..

Do I really need it? Or it is just my desire to have it?

Sigh....

I know what is killing me...

Pro·cras·ti·nate
What the heck!!!I am a professional procrastinator, in fact I am one since the day I am born..And I procrastinate just about every damn thing in my life…

WORK
I know last minute work is no good, but I find myself work better under pressure and tight deadlines..well, better get my socks up, especially during this current economic times..which kinda explains why I am spending most of my weekends & endless midnight oil burning staring at my laptop and getting myself all depressed in the process.. ACTION PLAN

Make less coffee, smoke less, yak less,daydream less..and yea...do proper filing..i just hate doing this!!!!

Less coffee = very cranky me...so, it's not me, it's the coffee & nicotine withdrawal symptoms

LIFE
Please refer to WORK section as my current LIFE equates to WORK

ACTION PLAN

Same as above!!!

LOVE

Schucks…I even procrastinate in this matter or do I?? Been status quo since 19 months ago..Someone once told me 19 months is way too long to get over someone…sometimes, at times, I really do not know whether unknowingly I am still waiting & somehow I got so used to it or I was afraid to take a step forward and open up again…guess certain wounds never really heals…

ACTION PLAN

Hmm...I'll answer later la....

But on the serious note...I have reached a point that I really need to stop procrastinating..and as I have always firmly believed, "When there's a will, there's a way"

Current stage of my life..

Work ....

Life..

Love...

Enuf said...

Depression attacks...

Shucks…Shucks…Shucks...I am bloody depressed…depressed over tons of unfinished work & endless problems…depressed over memories that I thought no longer matters to me…sigh........

Is it true that “the more you try to forget, the more you will remember?”

All I know now is, my current morale & self motivation, will only make my uphill battle with my inner self & desire to excel even more harder and more taxing, so GOD, please grant this lost child the strength to battle on & inner peace..

Rainbows do appear after thunderstorms...or they still do??

Yup, I did off all my lights...

Earth Hour, 28th March 8.30pm - 9.30pm

Yup, I off-ed all the lights, electrical appliances in my house during Earth Hour and it just dawned to me that i left so many damn things on stand by mode....now i know why i electric bills are so damn high...Sms-ed some of my buddies to remind them that it's Earth Hour and was really surprised that most of them did take an effort to participate in this global event..

Sat outside my house, with only street lights and some neighbour's lights, smoking and sms-ing while allowing all the mosqi start their feeding frenzy on me...not much difference from what i normally do, but today i felt slightly different. it's much quieter around me, and i am slowly drifted into my own thoughts..till my best buddy came and picked me up.

Went dinner with my best buddy, her ever talkative daughter and ever hyper active son...and enjoyed myself tremendously despite all the "why like this ah & why like that ah" questions...came home fully stuffed and been drifting in and out my thoughts again while on my couch...sigh...

Heard someone once said: "In the moments of silence, you will hear your heart", and all i hear now is you...missing you terribly at this moment.....

Back to reality....

Sigh...time flies..back to civilisation & endless work...

But, nevertheless had a GRRRRRRRREAt time in KK...except for the 55 insect bites on my arms and legs...yes...you read me right...total of 55 insect bites that turns into severe skin allergy cos by GOD knows what insects...and i am the worst among my friends...both of them only have a total of less than 10 bites...hmmmm..it's confirmed...i am a sweet person, hence my blood also sweet...wahahahaha....

%&*@#@$%&

YES!!!!!! I am fuming mad over myself...I actually did doubt myself and my capabilities when heard some not-so nice comments, which in fact damn hurtful, and which in return will spur me into proving my critics and doubters wrong, and put those so called "with quali" to shame cos I am going to be much better than any of you!!!!

It took me many extra years, sweats, sacrifices & not to mention countless mistakes and challenges to be where I am now, and I am not going to ever ever let anyone else to make me feel what I felt today..

Positive thinking or over confidence??? hmmm....but anyway Thank GOD for HIS guidance and wisdom, I am feeling much better now...

2 more days...

2 more days.....but it is going to be bloody busy 2 days......need to finish all my work before going off to a place that I really hope there will be very limited mobile coverage..LOL....I really need to re-charge and off my mind from work completely for 3 whole days...No phone calls, no e mails to reply....yipeeeee...........

Very difficult to concentrate on my 'can never finished' work now..well, again, who does finish their daily work???? All I visualize now is beach & sun...me on the lazy chair, unlimited Dahfa & iced cold coke, a nice book...and yes...lots of sun...

Can't wait....

3 days 2 nights on this island!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yipee....5 more days before i jet off to Kota Kinabalu for my long awaited tanning sessions by the beach...praying hard that it won't rain...and GOD, please grant this simple prayers of mine, will ya???

It will be a couple of first for me for this trip...

1. 1st trip to East M'sia
2. 1st time being able of not bringing my lappy along during holiday after joining my current company..
3. 1st time snorkelling...yea yea....never tried that before despite being a die-hard fan for beach & sun
4. 1st time going for under-sea walking...looking forward to it..& hopefully my pesky glasses don't slide down while I'm underwater...
5. 1st time going for fly fish...hmm...kinda scared and excited at the same time...

Can't wait...can't wait....can't wait....

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday dear dear

wherever or whoever you may be with now...

Missing you...

Feb 14th.....

A dreaded day for those who are single by choice or by cruel twist of fate. Yes, I am single, not by choice, but by cruel twist of fate, and I am that type who does not believe in celebrating V-Day, the idea of showering your loved ones along with millions of those who do the same thing on one particular day is not what I termed as romantic. Why settle for over-priced set dinner menu at eateries that are choked with over-created romantic ambience? Not to mention those over attentive servers who can’t wait to clear your table for those in queue once you put your cutleries down. And those so called “complimentary” roses or gifts, well they aren’t that complimentary after all… just imagine…all the couples in the same restaurant, eats the same thing, mushy & lovey dovey to each other, in a way trying to out-do the next table.

All who celebrates are in a pressured situation on what is the best gift for that special someone, how to make that V-Day better than the last, a process that takes up all your brain’s juice and in the end it’s more than a chore or obligation rather than a gesture of love.

Yea, you can call me a cynic & kiamsap…I have never celebrated V-Day, even though back when the days I was attached, a simple home cooked meal, a stroll after dinner, holding hands/cuddling while marvel at the stars and the moon every now & then is way much better than doing it only one day in a year..

While some revels & bask in the glory of love & being loved, some are left to ponder alone on the meaning of love. Below is written by me on 4th June 2007, 19 months later and despite heartaches, lonely tears, a wound that can never heals, and even that someone chooses someone else instead of me, I have not given up on love & to be loved…..

Someone once told me "Love that we cannot have feels the strongest, last the longest and hurt the deepest”. Can someone tell me what love is all about? Is it the unexplainable feeling that you have for someone? Is it the mere thoughts of that someone can either make or break you? Or is it the feeling of hope & despair, hate & love, joy & pain that comes all together when the mere thoughts or by the slightest action from that someone? You can be on the highest and yet the lowest point of your life at the same time. You can sing and revel in joy and yet sigh and cry in sorrow and pain at the same time. You can feel that you are indestructible and yet vulnerable at the same time. You can be full of hopes and yet feels that life is not worth living at the same time. Is this love?

We were all brought up to see the world in opposite’s perspective. There are always two extreme perspectives in the world that we live in. Ever wondered why it is Good & Evil, Black & White, Sweet & Bitter, Right & Wrong, and Yes & No? Who in the first place determines what is the opposite of each other? Who is the one that determines what you want and choose is acceptable or unacceptable, wrong or right? There's a common saying that we live our lives for ourselves and not for others, but if we were to think again, all our actions, decisions, we live for others. We were brought up to make and choose decisions that are a way acceptable by the world.

I made a choice, I do not know whether it is acceptable or will my choice leads me to happiness or sorrow. I really have no idea, the path that I've chose is the hardest path I've ever taken in my life. Everyone keeps saying that life is tough, but at times I do ask myself, if the existing life path is tough enough, why do i still choose an even tougher path? A lonely path that I have to travel with constant sorrow and despair, only guided by my faith hoping that one day it will lead me to happiness.

Why I chose this? Because that someone showed me what is called being in love.Everyone has different perspective on love, for my definition on love, some will call me an idiot, some will shake their heads in disbelief and some will support me in a way. Some will say I forsake too much, way too much for that someone, some will say it is not worth my time and commitments, some will persuade me to let go of holding on to what that does not belong to me, yes, being a mortal, at times I will be swayed by these comments.

I just know and believe that to be able to grow old with that someone special, it is worth all the sacrifices, pain and sorrow awaiting me, for I've found the purpose of my life in that someone.

Ironic

While driving to dinner the below conversation occurred:

F : Eh..you very important person in my life lei…if do not have you, my life will be void of something la..

Me: (completely speechless & stunned for a moment)…..Ooooii..where’s the normal one I used to hang out with ah?? Go back to your normal self la….not used to it la

F : See, humans are like this, when you have it, you do not want it & vice versa..

(If the above are uttered by an ordinary person, I will feel either all blushed up or feel appreciated, but it was from a non ordinary person, one who gives me the death looks that immediately shuts me up whenever my playful flirt mood is on, someone who rarely playfully flirt with me and yet the one I loves to flirt with....)

This starts a flow of discussions, life experience tales of why we humans are so ‘Farn Jin’. Attention - when we don’t have it, we long for it, and yet when we have it, we feel that we do not really need it, and wants more personal space.

We, humans love to complicate things.., the more complicated the better.

But again, without desire, where’s the beauty & purpose of life?

Here goes...

Kinda my 1st blog after spending hours trying to 'beautify' & customizing my blog, after some tips on "how to" & "English but not understand-able English means" by 'Por Yin', who most likely to be the first few to read my blog..hahahaha…and before old age catches up again with me, thanks ya 'Por Yin'

Started my 2009 with 'jinami' session till in the wee hours of the morning, earning RM 20++ which was used for my usual yummy must-have chicken rice. Made some resolutions, as usual, and I am still sticking to it,(SURPRISE!!!!)..and taaa daaaaaaaaaa…..

• See all my toes without sucking in my tummy - #8@!!!! Damn those yummy un-stoppable 'mat foong tau'

• Learn something new - swimming (Once I can brave myself to step out in my swimsuit!!)
  
• Tidy room with space to walk - so far, so good..hehehe
  
• Update my work & laptop filling – Struggling, but hey at least I’m trying
  
• Forgive & Forget

CNY is here and going, and as most Chinese love to say 'blink blink eyes' CNY is going to be over…and before they keep all the 'lou sang' ingredients for next year, I am going for my 4th round of 'lou sang' tomorrow with my bunch of ex-colleagues turned close friends. Pretty sure that those 'good ole' times feelings will comes very alive during our usual loud & boisterous dinner, with most of the conversation to be completed with some 'fish,prawn,crab' vocabs and may GOD have pity on the table next to us. Hahahahaha….

Till then….