Ring Ring....

My phone rang and my spirits soared....

And somehow I knew, I am .....

Still sad...

Sniff sniff...have yet to recover from the devastating D-Day results...and coupled with the high fever & body ache since Fri evening till Sun morning only makes things worse...been seriously sleeping to recover till a point whereby my house mate's hubby asked whether I'm hibernating!!!!

How long will my heart be un-crushed?? Sigh..I do not know....I hate this feeling....

Can some-one or something un-crushed my heart??

D-Day results

D-Day came earlier than expected...And, I am totally crushed….

Enough said…

Waiting....

2 more days for my D-day...urghhh..hate that waiting feeling...Deep-deep down my little heart, I really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really REALLY wants it to happen & materialised...

I know, I will be totally crushed if the the D-day results is not what I hoped & dreamed for, as my hopes has soared sky high.....

Gotta sign off now, as I need to prepare for my painful fall....ouch.....

I'm in love..ooh....

The effects you have on me.....

Heart beats so fast, that it feels like popping out, every moment I see you passes me by,

Breaks into cold sweat & trembles as I run my hands along your curves,

Couldn't take my eyes of you as I gaze at you lovingly and lustfully,

Couldn't find a space in my mind, as you fully occupies my every waking moment,

Pray & pray to GOD that one day you will be mine to cherish,

Wanna scream & tell the whole world about you and how much I love you,

Never, ever felt the desire of wanting so much in my life.......

YOU & ONLY YOU, is all I want now.....and I am counting the moments when we can be one,

Only time will tell.....

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I am so crazily, helplessly in love with you.......
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My one & only Nissan Sylphy...

P/S: do you know that you are so hot & sexy in black??? And so mysterious if all your windows are tinted in grayish black tone??? Ohhh...lala baby...

For you KOPEK!!!!

Happy Birthday to my dearest sis, Kopek

I wish & hope that you will be...

More adventurous~~There's a whole world out there apart from shopping mall

Less grumpy~~We burn more calories when we smile.

More sporting~~I was trying to find a photo of you to post, but dare not wor...You remember how you screamed at me in Facebook?? LOL....

Stay healthy~~yea...you need to be in tip-top shape as I am counting on you to change my diapers when I'm old & bedridden...

Last but not least~~abundance of all good things for you in many years ahead...no need to wish for a better sis, as you are lucky enough to have me as yours!!!!

With Lots of Love & Warm Thoughts,

(well, unless you really decided never to change my diapers)

Your Super Adventurous, Sporting & Non Grumpy (except in the morning)Sis..

The big 'E'

Egoistic, that's how someone has defined me. To say that she do not know me at all, may not be entirely true, well, could it be she is choosing to know me in a way that she felt comfortable with?

Well, if you are reading this, am I right then?

Or will you answer me " It's for me to know & for you to find out", the way you always do when you want to avoid answering me?

Blood Is Thicker Than Water

I still can vividly remember how we used to discuss & decide which family self portrait photo frame (for those who have never been to my Ipoh house, our living room is full of rows & rows of ancestors & Gong-Gong & Por-Por self portrait photos) we should hide the dreaded rotan, and every year during annual house painting we will get a good lashing when our parents found out all the rotans that went mysteriously missing, barely a few days after being bought from market!! As time goes by, our parents has wised up and cautioned us that any missing rotans that mysteriously appeared (Yea..That’s our lame excuses) behind the photo frames is equivalent to 5 lashings each and that ends our “hide the rotan mission” quite abruptly.

Shuttlecock and badminton rackets evokes some of the most mischievous stuffs memories that we did together. It seems like yesterday when we used to incorporate the word BAD-MINT-ON into our conversations to avoid mum banning our evening Thomas Cup session, blocking up the alley with our badminton net that we scavenged from the rubbish dump and the plastic containers that our parents used for chicken rice. Also there were times, where we used to “steal’ the ladder to retrieve the shuttlecocks that went flying up to the roof and while we were up there, we pretended to be super heroes, with towels draped over our shoulders. Well, a moment "being a super hero” was always worth the rotan lashings that we get after each of our super hero escapades.

We both have the blessings & privileges of having loving aunts in London, which showers us with the most state of art toys during our era, i.e. the full set of Lego’s, Subbeteo, table football set & tons of Kalkitos ( bet most of you have not heard of this at all, rite??) All these lovely toys added fun & joys and coupled with our make pretend, we had a terrific time. Sadly, as we grew up into teenagers, we grew apart due to changing hormones, different view & perceptions in life. That’s when the arguments, quarrels, name calling started between us, and we even reached the stage of non speaking terms for years. The arrival of your 2 great kids, Alex & Nicole closed the gap slightly but sadly, I think the gap was too wide to be narrowed in a short time. I do not remember when was the last time we celebrated Chinese New Year as a family, as I, myself did not went back home for festivities.

Looking at Alex now, he reminds me so much of you, in terms of looks and some of his characters. He even inherited some of your “sin kar” character, guess it’s like father like son. Looking at him now reminds me of the times that we had together, the fun that we had, and the time lost due to both of our stubbornness and unwillingness to talk. I promise that I will try to be the best role model for both Alex & Nicole, and will fiercely instill the importance of siblings love between them. Seeing Alex & Nicole now, is like stepping into a time machine, looking at the time when both of us at that age, and I do not want history to repeats itself.

One close friend of mine once told me that you will never forget what happens the day you receive news of passing of a family member, and it’s true. I remember picking up the call in office from Kuen and in between sobs, she told me that “Kor-Kor is gone”. Hearing this, my whole body went limp instantly and I could not control my tears and the pain I felt was indescribable. Do you know that the hardest thing that I have ever done in my life was to drive home to Ipoh to break down the news of your sudden passing to our parents in the middle of the night? I wish & pray that I will never have to do this again, as I was on the verge of breaking down & apart but yet, at the same time, I have to put up a very strong front, as I am now the eldest in the family? Our loving aunts & uncles provided the much needed emotional support during this difficult time and I am eternally grateful & thankful for them. I was never proud to say that I am not close to family, in fact I am always the ‘missing one’ during family get-together & festivities, but now I have made a mental note to myself to show up during family gatherings and re-arrange my life’s priorities.

While waiting for you to be repatriated back, both of our parents refused to believe that you are gone, and it breaks my heart to see them this way and at the same time felt so helpless for not being able to do anything. When you were finally home, do you know that it took all my body strength to walk towards you, it hurts so much, to accept & face the hasrh reality that you are forever gone and I will never ever have the chance to make peace with you for all the grudges, quarrels & misunderstandings that we both had? As I am writing this, I missed having a brother and it hurts a lot to know that I will never be able to have the opportunity to get to know you again as a brother & a friend again in my life. I never took the initiatives to take the first step forward to mend the broken relationship between us, as I always take for granted that time will always be on my side. This will be one of the regrets that will haunt me for the rest of my life.

Your sudden passing on the 5th August 2009, is the day, I finally & fully comprehend the real meaning of “Blood Is Thicker Than Water”, just way too late….

Rest in Peace, Kee Foong